Short and Sweet

Just throwing down a quick post while I am gathering my thoughts for a year end wrap up:

2012 was a phenomenal year. I grew in many positive ways and cannot believe my second season of racing my bike is complete. Wrapping my head around the miles I have pedaled and the places I have seen in the past two years is next to impossible. I live a life far different from the average woman and I would not trade it for anything. I sometimes feel like an alien trying to fit into a mundane society, thus, my eyes are fixed on living my dreams, my spirit is wild and free and my heart is filled to the brim with gratitude. It composes the very fiber of my soul in ways that are too precious for language to covey. But I will try in my next post anyway...

So until then:

Arrowhead 135 post #2 is up over on Ridefatbikes.com...Check it out! I am finally learning to stay warm on two (fat) wheels. The most recent article is about my clothes, hands, feet and layering. The upcoming #3 is about the gear (some required by the race itself) on the Pugs. I am pretty excited because I found the most bitchin pair of bar mitts ever for the whopping price of $14.99. Made for an ATV, these badboys are huge, roomy and WARM. I am soooo tempted to put a teaser pic here but on second thought, I want you to go read #3 when its up.

If you are kind of intrigued by this fat bike/cold riding thing, check out Eric Larsen. He is riding his bike to the South Pole, self-supported. I have been reading his updates and to put the difficulty of this in perspective---he is covering about 22 nautical miles per day and these are his accomodations:

This is why I laugh when any supported race/event promotes itself as the toughest in the world.

Ok, enough rambling.

One final look at our failed igloo attempt on Christmas Day:

Since snow is such a rare and precious commodity this year, we scrounged every last bit of quality snow (I was literally hauling loads in a wheelbarrow in from the street). After a while, demolition became more appealing than construction...

Then our Christmas Day festivities concluded with the Intergalactical Red Ryder BB gun championships:

After a formidable battle, I hereby, and ever-so-humbly relinquished my title to the master.

Then redeemed myself with the Scrabble title and my new mantra:

Oh, the Places I Go!

This weekend took me to two new places. The first was a mystifying ice palace hidden amongst the mountains:

And a mere ten miles away:

And the mode of transport responsible (hmmm, any guesses here?):

The notion of simplicity and the vast distance we put between it and our daily lives was predominant in my thoughts as I pedaled along exploring Colorado for the last few days. Comforting are the wise words of the good ol' doc Seuss:

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” 
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Today's Email

Pardon me as I dry the tears from my eyes, but I must share this.

I got in from a brisk ride home from the gym this morning and opened my email to find this:


Dear Jill,

I doubt you remember me, but I met you in the Grand Canyon this spring on your race. You gave me your email to send you a picture since you didn't have a camera and I wanted you to know that you have been a huge source of motivation to make some much needed changes in my life. Before, I never dreamed I could ride a bike three blocks but now I ride four miles to and from work everyday. I have regained my health and my smile and my life is on a whole new path.

Thank you again, Jill. And Merry Christmas to you.

Attached was this picture and caption:

"The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before." --Albert Einstein

Christmas came early for me this year. My present is knowing that another life was enriched, changed and saved by a bike.

Months later, my trip across the canyon just took on a whole new meaning....

Ride Fat Bikes Race Report Series

As I sit and gaze out the window on this warm, sunny, dry December day here in Colorado, I long for winter to arrive. I love huge snowflakes that fall out of the sky and massive storms that leave two feet of snow. I want to see snowy peaks and people shoveling their driveways. I like winter. I like the change that comes with each of the seasons.

I don't have to put my bike away when the ground in covered in ice and snow. Nope. I just bring out the Pugs, deflate the Nates a bit, add more layers and bigger gloves and continue pedaling until spring.

The Puglsey's next adventure is set for January 28, 2013 starting in International Falls, MN. The race is the Arrowhead 135, a goal I set for myself about a year ago. It is a beast of  a race. So what am I doing to prepare besides intricate snow dances to bring some of the beloved white stuff here?

Find out here: http://ridefatbikes.com/2012/12/arrowhead-135-an-insiders-look/

I will be doing a series of posts with pictures outlining my training, gear, bike, adventures and thoughts before, during and after the race. You will find them all on  ridefatbikes.com. I love this site. Check out the sweet photo gallery where readers are encouraged to send in their own pictures and share their stories. It is a fantastic resource for everything fat bike--racing, trails, information---you name it, this site has it covered.

So check out my first post and keep checking back for more as I will be adding new stories of what I am doing, what is working, what is not and most importantly what I am learning...

Oh, yeah, and THINK SNOW....lots of it!

Today

The words of Craig Childs have never been more poignant. Soul of Nowhere captivates my thoughts and, thus, my blog today:

"In desolation we expect to find utter emptiness. There should be nothing but the barren end of the world here, but instead I find an inalienable, voracious presence...." 

"I am soothed and driven by the alignments around me..."

"I feel the thrumming heartbeat of the land..."

Go. Now. Move. Seek. Hunger. Ride. Love. Appreciate. Give. Live.

The Good: Top Ten Style

Last shift starts in less than 3 hours. I leave with an abundance of gratitude for being employed in a time many are not and ten good memories.....

10. Cash. When it rained, it poured. Five bill Friday nights do not suck. And making a mortgage payment in one shift during the World Series was ok too.

9. A note I received from a very strange, rough-looking customer who was passing through a small town near Eugene, Oregon. It read: "Not even my friends and family treat me with the kindness and respect you gave me. What makes you so humble? You could have the whole world if you wanted..."

8. Closing down and handing out gloves and hats while serving free Thanksgiving dinner on the 16th Street Mall to the people that are normally asked to leave on any other day...

7. All the people I saw make healthy and positive changes in their lives. Ironically, it seemed to always involve a two wheels in some way or another...

6. A ticket to Barack Obama's acceptance speech at (then) Invesco Field during the Democratic National Convention (Thank you, Mr. McKeever!!)

5. Passionate local musicians working for peanuts just to play....I, too, feel the fire burn for what I love...We are cut from the same cloth.

4. Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroy Jenkins.

3. Smoking ban in Colorado. I had just moved from Oregon and had never had to work in a place that allowed smoking. I had to endure a month of people's disgusting, wretched, putrid, gut-wrenching, deathly sidestream smoke before it passed. Had it not passed, my time in the industry would have been shorter. Guaranteed. Hmmmm, isn't life funny?

2. The fact that I still believe in humanity. I have a million reasons and stories to make a case for the opposite, but I have a million and one that help me leave with the belief that there is light in everyone somewhere.

1. The people. Those I worked for, worked with, served, or just randomly crossed paths due to this industry. I hope many are reading this. I have made lifelong friends whom I respect, cherish and love. I wish I could list and personally thank everyone who I have met over the years that has touched my life, but I do have to work my last shift tonight. You know who you are and I love you all.

It's only appropriate (especially if you know me):

to say Cheers!!

And now its back to bikety, bikety, bikety, bikety blogging. Back on the bike tomorrow. I have the "Hell yes, I'll ride that" vigor back in my heart, big plans and a new structure to support them.

Ok....Once more....Cheers!

El Feo

To fully explain why I am quitting the bartending industry would fill a book. 

Knowing the potential length of this post, I debated with myself last night on how to write it. How do I explain that when I clock in my heart checks out? How do I explain that the shell of a person who shows up everyday to mindlessly go through the motions is not Jill? How do I say that I just don't care at all anymore? That it is all an act and I am finding myself to be a really shitty actor these days? How do I say that I feel like I lead two separate lives--one (which I love) starts when I clock out and the other (which I dread) starts when I clock in? Worse yet...how do I say that the "clocked in" life is beginning to negatively affect the "clocked out" life? 

Let's keep it simple, I will just say it:

I just cannot do it anymore. I cannot waste my life doing something for which I have zero passion, find zero challenge,  get zero reward and possess zero interest. I cannot force myself to fill ketchup bottles, be fake nice, care if the sugar caddies are full, or answer the same question a hundred times a day. Part of what it does to me is seen on the outside as humorous sarcasm on some days, and on others as reserved aloofness. I used to get angry and irritable on the inside as a way to cope, but found it to be a waste of time and energy. Now I just feel my heart slowly dying as I berate myself for not using my intelligence and passion to do something that utilizes my strengths and helps others. 

When I pull away all the layers and tell it how it is--I truly feel like an alien at work. That's why I never send Jill to work. Jill is riding her bike all over the world in her mind. A hardened shell of Jill is standing behind a bar listening to the lonely, sad people tell the same story over and over. But even the shell is now exhausted and refusing to show up and do the same mind numbing tasks everyday.

And ugly things like cynicism, sarcasm, apathy, grouchiness, irritability, fear, lack of confidence, laziness and sadness are beginning to tiptoe into my life outside of work. I have cried my eyes out pedaling the Pugs home from work on a few occasions thinking about the life I want and the life I am wasting. I have sacrificed far too many races, rides, adventures and experiences. I neglect the people I want to see and share this life with. Why? Because every Saturday and Sunday I am pouring drinks and serving food.

That is ugly. Very ugly. 

I put on shackles in exchange for money. It's called a job. Those of us without money trees in the backyard have one. An obligation in exchange for the legal tender is a form of a shackle. Some (biking the world or sequencing proteins) are barely noticeable and some (my current set) hurt like hell.

They hurt too much keep them on any longer and are beginning to leave scars. So, in two days, I get to take them off and begin the search for a new pair--a pair that doesn't cut off my circulation, restrain me from a life that is seemingly passing me by or leave a hole in my heart.

This precious life is too short to waste. It is time to rediscover and reawaken a beautiful, kind, driven, optimistic, dean's list biochemistry major with a talent for writing, and a heart for giving.

So that’s it. I am done with the ugly. I have fought it for too long. Through my writing I share, process, clarify, cherish, vent and release things in my life. With this, I am letting go of the ugliness I let creep in over the years in the industry.

What needs to vanish from your life? (Fear, limits, a job, a relationship, etc)

You already have the courage…so do it.